Space for an Imposter

A piece of advice I've sometimes offered to help others with imposter syndrome is this: instead of building yourself up, tear others down. Not in a mean 'they're all stupid and don't belong here' way, but in a 'they're all human' way. This is probably awful advice, but it sounds moderately profound, gets a few laughs, and seems to just fall out of my mouth whenever the topic comes up. While I don't actually follow this advice myself, it's, in a way, part of a two-step process I seem to practice on a near-daily basis with varying levels of efficacy. From my impression, most grad students feel imposter syndrome, and some post-docs and PIs have admitted it never truly goes away.

But, if it walks like an academic and talks like an academic, does that sort of make it an academic? If I get kicked out of my PhD because my work is inadequate, then perhaps I would be an 'imposter'. Until then, however, I'm here. Maybe they made a mistake admitting me, maybe they didn't, but either way, let's see if this gamble pays off, right?

I'm not saying I'm not an imposter; maybe I am. But I see four possibilities:

1. I am an imposter. I'll be found out, I'll be kicked out of academia, and then I won't have to struggle with 'imposter syndrome' anymore; I'll have my answer.
2. I have imposter syndrome, but I'm actually awesome, just like everyone else here. I belong. I'll be fine.
3. I have imposter syndrome, but I get kicked out of academia by mistake regardless, and that's a problem for another time.
4. I am an imposter, but I'm such a good imposter that I trick everyone, get a PhD, and even stay in academia, fooling people every step of the way.

I don't need to list the evidence that diversity improves science; I'm likely preaching to the choir on that topic, and I'm no expert. But typically, when I think of diversity in science, the focus is on people who belong here but don't get the chance to show it. Who can argue with that? Not only should we ethically and morally try to recruit everyone who is smart, talented, and hard-working, but those diverse individuals improve the science as well. But is there room for an imposter? Someone who doesn't belong but snuck in?

I often feel like someone who doesn't belong. Sometimes I don't feel that way. Sometimes, when I solve a problem in the lab, or I finish writing a script, or I just generally feel good about myself, when those things happen I can feel like the smartest person on the planet. In those moments, the dumbest thing about me seems to be the very idea that I don't belong. I'm going to do science, maybe as an imposter, but I'll either be a scientist or the best imposter I can be.

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